"A Home is ..." - Myanmarese refugees tie the knot

"A home isn't a building or a locality but a place where relationships are nurtured and given an opportunity to grow ... a place where one learns to forgive, share, and make sacrifices," Rev. Fr. Michael Chua, the Parish Priest of the Church of Visitation, Seremban, reminded the couple, Manuel and Bee Nyar, who entered into the sacred bond of marriage this afternoon. This is the first wedding of refugees conducted in the Church of Visitation.

The occasion was truly a celebration of love and friendship as members of the parish migrant ministry and liturgical team took special effort to make it a memorable event for the couple. Fr. Chua also explained that although the couple and the Myanmarese refugees community were far from their homeland, they have, however, found a new home and a new family here in this parish.

Burmese migrants and refugees are often arrested by Malaysian authorities, whether or not they have registered with the UNHCR and have identification papers. While Malaysia accepts the presence of Burmese and others from outside of the country for the purpose of contributing to the work force, persons identified as refugees and asylum seekers on their way to a third country are viewed as threats to national security. They are also subjected to a whole range of discrimination and exploitation in terms of employment, education and housing.

The Catholic Church in Malaysia has been one of the few organisations which takes the defense of the rights of refugees and migrants seriously in its pastoral ministry. The Migrant Ministry of Visitation has been assisting migrants and refugees in terms of cash and food aid, English classes, integral human formation, health care, legal documentation,housing etc.

Those interested to join or support this ministry, please contact Mr. Alfred Selvam (016-2129404).

Golden milestone for former Olympian and wife

By Charles Fernandez
(Published in The Star, February 8, 2010)


MARRIAGES, it is said, are made in heaven and this must hold true for former Olympian Peter Van Huizen, 77, and his wife Angeline, 74, who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in Seremban recently.

The couple also share a common interest in sports — both love hockey.

While Peter represented Malaya in the Melbourne Olympics in 1956 and the Tokyo Asian Games two years later, Angeline represented her company not only in hockey but athletics as well.

Fifty years together: Peter and Angeline cutting their anniversary cake during the dinner reception in a restaurant in Seremban.

Love blossomed when the couple met while both were working for the then Jabatan Telekom.

Peter and Angeline, who have two sons and four grandsons, renewed their marriage vows at the Carmelite Monastery in Jalan Rasah together with another couple who also happened to have been married at the same time in the Church of Visitation.

Later in the evening, the couple was joined by more than 250 relatives and friends at a dinner reception held at a local restaurant.

Asked for their secret to happiness, both replied: “Faith, trust and love — but most importantly, love.”

“There must also be mutual trust and respect between husband and wife,” Peter said as his “blushing bride” nodded her head in agreement.

A beaming Angeline said it had been a wonderful 50 years and that God had blessed them with two wonderful children and four grandchildren.

Still very active at an age when most people would have called it quits, Peter and Angeline are both involved in church activities.

For Peter, old habits die hard: he is also a familiar face at hockey matches where his two grandsons Matthew and Luke are goalkeepers for SMK St. Paul’s Institution in Seremban.

When asked to share the secret of their long-lasting marriage with their guests, Peter said both had to have a give-and-take attitude.

Reverend-Know-It-All on Weddings

A friend sent me this hilarious piece in a bulletin of a parish in the U.S. and thought that I had to post it in this blog. I will follow the lead of that parish in putting this disclaimer right at the beginning.

Warning:: THIS EPISODE OF THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW. PLEASE READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE. THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS NOT OPPOSED TO ALL WEDDING CELEBRATIONS. HE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING WHICH WAS A TRIUMPH OF PERSONAL SANCTITY AND GOOD TASTE. HE IS PROBABLY JUST HAVING A BAD DAY.

Dear Rev. Know it all,
I visited your church once and am thinking about having my wedding there. How long is your main aisle?

Mary O’burne

Dear Mary,
I am often asked that question, and never quite understand it. Are brides curious about the length of the aisle because they think a longer aisle may give them a few more minutes to back out of the whole thing? Or, as I suspect, does a long aisle
prolong the glorious promenade of which a young girl dreams as she thumbs through bridal magazine as she contemplates her special day, when all eyes focus on her as she approaches her enchanted prince and all the world thinks she’s gorgeous and knows that she has bagged her man just as surely as a Wisconsin bricklayer bags a deer and ties onto the roof of his pick up truck? I have certainly seen a few grooms who look like a frightened deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

Why is it that weddings cause people to spend so much time, energy and money? And more money. The average American wedding costs almost $29,000, according to “The Wedding Report”, a market research publication. $29,000!” Oh, by the by, the usual donation to the church is about $200.00. (Note: Visitation only charges RM50.00 for administrative charges) That $200 goes to the church, not to the priest. The usual gift to the priest is a hearty handclasp. The usual cost of the photographer is $2,000.00. All this tells me that the photographs are one hundred times more important than the grace of the sacrament, in most peoples’ estimation. The usual fee for the DJ is $1,500.00. I am consoled by this. It means that painful, occasionally obscene music loud enough to cause brain damage is only 75 times more important than the grace of the sacrament.

You must be thinking why is this guy so down on weddings? I am down on some weddings because I am very “up” on the sacrament of matrimony and really in favor of marriage. That’s why the modern method of marrying and the wedding industry make me crazy. They militate against marriage.

Here is the heart of my complaint. IT IS STUPID TO SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE!!! I have known people who are still paying the credit card bills generated by the wedding years after the marriage is over.

The Modern Method of Marriage, a Reprise. The following is taken from my own experiences and things people have told me (outside of confession, you’ll be glad to know.) Here goes.

A young man and a young woman meet and have a few dates. They go for a weekend at a bed and breakfast where they bed one another, and then have breakfast. If he isn’t too much of a jerk and she isn’t too picky, they are then an item. She goes to the doctor gets a prescription and goes on to a more permanent form of birth control. At some time during this stage, the uncomfortable meeting with the parents happens. Everyone is polite and “supportive.” Secretly the father of the young woman who knows exactly what’s going on, contemplates buying a gun and the mother of the young man begins gossiping with whomever will listen about how her little boy could do better.

After a while, if things hold up, they begin to have the conversation about taking their relationship to the “next level” by which they mean shacking up, as we used to call it. Now, I think it’s called moving in together.

Mom and Dad buy housewarming gifts in an attempt to, once again, be supportive. They don’t want their little dears to hate them and besides, it’s what everyone is doing these days, so it can’t be wrong. They have vague thoughts about getting married at that point and mom explains to grandma and to friends at church that they are just doing it to save money for the wedding. At this stage an engagement ring may appear. At some point, when they think about getting the house and the kids, because that’s what you do, they decide to have the wedding. They rent the hall and then go see the priest. He tells them there are four other weddings that day and they respond, “but we’ve rented the hall already.”

Someone suggests a garden wedding if the church is occupied. The priest says we can’t do garden weddings. (More on this later.) The young couple begins to complain about how narrow minded the Church is with all these rules and regulations. They eventually pick a date. Then the bottom drops out. It seems the groom is not Catholic. He was baptized in the First Reformed Church of the Druids, though he never practiced. This means there must be a dispensation for the marriage, another irritating Catholic invention, and the wedding date cannot be confirmed until the dispensation is received. The bride goes back to her doctor, this time for a prescription for valium. Her mother joins her on this visit.

Finally the dispensation is granted, The groom’s druid will do one of the readings at the wedding, the loans are taken out, the banns are published. Then there is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The best man comes to the rehearsal drunk out of his mind, the groom only slightly tipsy. The bride is furious at everyone for some reason known to her alone. Probably because the groom is far more interested in drinking and watching te football game on his hand held computer thing than he is in gazing lovingly into her eyes in anticipation of the great day. In fact they haven’t been, well... friendly in weeks. It is, after all, football season.

The special day comes, the best man is still drunk, the groom is hung over, no one knew about that interesting tattoo that the maid of honor had way low on her back, now revealed by the plunging back of her dress that is held up only by wishful thinking. Grandma, upon reading the logo of the maid of honor’s tattoo, has fainted. Somewhere in all this the vows are exchanged, and quite a few of the wedding party receive their first Holy Communion that day, however one of the ushers puts the host in his suit pocket not having a clue what it is. (This actually has happened to me twice.) The pictures have been taken. The noise level in the church reaches that of an English soccer match after the riot has broken out. The children are jumping off the altar and the priest is scowling at everyone. Now on to the pictures in the forest preserve, a “must” at every wedding. There the wedding party is attacked by mosquitoes, one of the children falls into the lagoon and the bride is having a hard time smiling for the photos. The best man passes out. On to the reception.

The bride loses it because the shade of fuchsia in the floral center pieces clashes with the shade of fuchsia in the wedding party’s outfit. The groom adjourns to the bar where the game is on the television. The wedding dinner is served as music is played at a mind numbing volume. Grandma is better now. She has turned off her hearing aid. The priest is seated with the pious relatives in plaid suit coats and leaves shortly after the grace before meals. The best man makes the toast which drones on about how he loves the groom and one begins to wonder. The college roommate/maid of honor does the same for the bride, going on for fifteen minutes about how she knew the bride would find eternal marital bliss the moment she met her in the third grade and they have been like sisters ever since.

Then at some point, there is a video presentation of embarrassing photos not unlike the ones that are now shown at wakes. The bar opens up again.

The music reaches levels that cause blood to drip from some peoples’ nose and ears. The joyous event ends with the bride and groom being the last to leave the hall. They are slow to go up to the room they have rented in the hotel because nothing new or beautiful awaits them there. The groom promptly falls asleep, being heavily sedated already, and, as he snores away, with his shoes still on, our blushing bride, having shed her dress of virginal white, thinks back on this day, her special day, the most important day in her life, the day she has dreamt of since she was a little girl. They will stay an extra day at the hotel, but cannot afford the time or money to go on a honeymoon because on Monday they will both be back at work in order to pay off the colossal bill that their special day has incurred. For some reason, the bride is depressed. Perhaps she is realizing that the high point of her life is now past and the rest of it will be spent with the lump that is now snoring beside her with whom she has never really had a serious conversation, except about the proper shade of fuchsia for the floral centerpieces. So it is that we celebrate the marriage of Christ and His Church in these enlightened and tolerant times.

Remember, none of these things happened at your wedding, thank God and don’t think from reading this that I am down on marriage or even weddings. I love a wedding celebration when there is something to celebrate. Also, it is never too late to begin again by taking Christ and His gospel seriously.

PLEASE SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING.

Yours,
The Rev, Know it all

The Vocation of Marriage

Twenty Seventh Ordinary Sunday Year B

Many people think that marriage is a matter of personal right. They feel that the decision is purely that of the couple. So long as they love one another and decide to marry, that’s enough. No matter what others may say, no matter what the church may teach, no matter what advice we receive from others, we still insist that we have a right to marry. The Church also recognizes the right of the individual to get married. But the Church also requires that the party who wish to marry understand the implications of marriage.

As a priest in this parish and as a judge in the church’s marriage tribunal, I’ve seen so many marriages fail. Some marriages don’t even last for a month. Couples separate weeks, months and just a few years after marriage. When I speak to couples who are separated or who are already divorced, it is always the same story. Many felt that they were not ready for marriage. They had not known each other enough. They had not understood what commitment in marriage is all about. They were more concerned about their own needs and issues. And very often, God was not present in their minds when they decided to get married.

Today’s readings may help us to understand what marriage is all about. I truly wish our young people would listen to the message contained within these readings. I also wish that those who are preparing to get married or their family members will also pay attention to the lessons to be learnt from today’s mass. For couples that are already married, today’s readings will be reminder to you of the commitment you made on the day of your wedding.

First, marriage is not a human institution. Marriage is a divine institution. It is a vocation. Very often, God is forgotten in all the busy-ness of making preparations for marriage. The couples are more concerned with the wedding dress, the dinner, the floral arrangement, the invitation cards and the wedding photos. God and the church is a necessary inconvenience. Many often think that the only reason why they have to see the priest is because they want to get married in church. The only reason why many want a church wedding is because of pressure from family members. In fact, I’ve seen many couples insisting that they want to get married in church but have never stepped into church for the last 10 years and would most likely not step into church again. The wedding has become a sentimental ceremony rather than a spiritual celebration of Gods’ love. I would like to remind everyone here that without God, there cannot be a true union in wedding. It is God who makes marriages possible and lasting. If God is absent from our lives, it would really be very difficult to make the marriage work.

Second, marriage calls for a conversion in the lives of the couples. Conversion must take place because “the two must become one body.” Conversion must take place in order for the couples to die to their selfishness. That is why the preparation is so important. I often hear of complaints from young couples who want to have a quick wedding with little fuss. They don’t seem to understand why they need to go for marriage preparation. Many who attend, do so out of compulsion because the priest tells them that they cannot get married unless they go through the marriage preparation course. Conversion can never be compelled. It must come freely.

Lastly, marriage is about commitment. A lack of commitment is a sign of immaturity. Love is all about commitment. Love is never about feelings and emotions. Commitment means accepting the whole package and not just the parts which we like – “for better or for worse”. Commitment means learning to forgive not only once but again and again. Commitment is more concerned with giving than with taking and receiving. Commitment calls us to change ourselves, not only once, but throughout our whole lives.

Today, family life and married life is under siege. Divorce is becoming a normal everyday occurrence. But the Church’s role, the role of every Christian is to continue promoting married life and family life in spite of the many challenges. Married life is a contradiction to the selfish and self-centred lifestyle of today’s generation. In such a selfish and self-centered generation, people are seen as objects to be used. When they are no longer seen as useful, they are then discarded. I especially appeal to parents to take up this responsibility. Your children will learn from your behaviour. Your marriage will affect your children and their future. If your marriage is in trouble, I hope that you would do something about it. Seek help. Seek counseling. Get the support of family and friends. Don’t wait till it’s too late.

Today, let us pray for all marriages and families. Let us pray especially for the marriages that are in trouble and for broken families. Let us pray for ourselves – whether we are still single, married or divorced – that God would continue to bring healing into our lives so that our lives would be marked with selfless love rather than selfishness.